Faith in God includes faith in His timing.
I have lost enough to not
need another lesson in heartache again.
-Autumn
It did not
kill me, but something died inside me. To lose your child hurts like hell it is
your reality to live with for the rest of your life. After what happened, to
say goodbye to our precious daughter 27 months ago, everything has changed.
Never will it be the same. My fear of death has vanished as if I have become
fearless. Never will I be able to return to the person I once were. I now live
my life, which is on another level. A life not based on what if, a life where
you let the tide take you, and you embrace every single moment, a life to
choose what works for you and whatnot, a life to live to the fullest and do
what makes you feel alive. You live every single day while walking this planet
called earth. It is up to you how you write your story.
Our son
has started his career, and as I mentioned before, indeed our greatest
blessing. To have the privilege to see how this beautiful inside and out Son of
ours is evolving in a charming, confident, independent, courageous,
kind-hearted, sincere, responsible young man. To be able to be part of and
witness every stage of his life. All of the mentioned characteristics present
since the beginning, and it is just beautiful to see how he use his gifts and
blessings. I can only imagine how our daughter would have evolved
further. I can only imagine!
The wonder
of how God works is that He already has people in place to be there for you
during dark times in your life. People have crossed my path in the past, and
for them, I am forever grateful. The way you programme your brain, what
thoughts you feed yourself, is what will ultimately happen to you.
A few
months ago, I had the choice to open myself for either hurt or a blessing.
Little did I know that the road I decided to take changed my life.
I was
privileged with an opportunity to live in the hostel and have to do shifts,
certain days of the week and weekends, at the same school I graduated from many
years ago. Initially, it was a frightening thought. I did not know how my
emotions would react to girls my daughter's age, frequent interaction,
conversations, and routine chores. It has been eight months since I started
there, and I would not have it any other way. You receive energy from children
so pure and honest. In our world today, many have changed. In comparison to 30
years ago, we all know that the responsibility on our children is much higher.
Children's reactions to situations, their innocence, do not lie.
No one
could ever replace my precious daughter, and I know that she is with me every
step of the way. What we are afraid of doing may be what we desperately need to
go on. Our minds are our own worst enemy I have learned that the hard way the
past 27 months. In addition, I choose to live life! Make changes, be the
change, nobody is you, and nobody can live your life for you.
Life is
beautiful, and then it is dreadful, and then it is wondrous again. And between
the amazing and not so beautiful, it is ordinary, mundane, and routine. Breathe
in the amazing, hold on through the awful, relax, and exhale during the normal.
That is just living a heart-breaking soul healing, amazing, not so beautiful,
ordinary life. And it is breathtakingly
beautiful.
Because
if you believe, signs turn up everywhere.
Kind
regards,
Liesel